Saturday 26 August 2023

Another ear infection!

 OMG! What's going on.  A few days ago I got another ear infection.  This is always painful.  I got up in the middle of the night shivering and shaking all over.  I can't even hold a cup of warm water given by my wife.  On top of this I cannot stand up at all.  This is terrible.

I really hated it.  Worrying everyone for no good reason.  This only set me back further from recovery.  Why, why, why.  This is not the way I choose to live my old age, and definitely not right to put so much anxiety and pressure onto my spouse.  I hate it!!!

Two of my neighbours who passed away some time ago used to talk to me about their pain and how they wished they could die soon.  Both were on wheel chair and incapable of looking after themselves.  No old folks would want to live like this.  This is torture😮.



Friday 18 August 2023

Becoming a handicap

 ðŸ˜’ Well, I am still stuck with stiff neck and pain on the fractured part of my neck after so many months.  Have to wait for the fractured neck bone to heal before I can resume some of my routine exercises/work.  Problem here is due to my weak/damaged  bones it will take a long time for the healing process.  Very sad.  

During my visit to the oncologist after the CT scan, he did not go into details of the radiologist report.  His concern, I believed, is more on my cancer situation.  Thus I look into the report more thoroughly myself to understand some of the conditions of and changes in my body.  More damage to my left side rib bones than those on my right.  The upper and lower spinal cord and pelvic area are quite badly damaged.  The report mentioned destruction of two nerves which control the movement of the neck side ways.  After so many months I still cannot turn my head left or right.  I guessed this is bad news to me.   If the damaged to the nerves cannot be repaired, then I would not be able to turn my head sideways 😒.  Another bad news is I am slowly facing muscle atrophy, loosing my muscle mass. This is also due to nerve damage.  

During my early consultation with the oncologist, he warned that more damage to my bones could  affect my nerves which could restrict some of my movement.  As it is now I am more like a half handicap person.  I cannot turn my head sideways, I cannot walk properly even with a walking stick and thus I am confined in my home everyday.  I have difficulty lying down and getting up and I have to sit on a high chair.  Sigh! Don't know what to expect next.