Just thinking

 Yes it's been a long time, a long journey in fact, since I was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 prostate cancer.  I am actually very lucky that my cancer is not the aggressive type and is now inactive.  My latest CT Scan which was done early last year showed my prostate is clear and the two tumors, one on my upper back and the other pressing against my pelvic bone, cannot be detected.  However, I still have to be under active surveillance for the time being.  I still have to continue taking abiraterone+dexamethasone and have my blood test done frequently.

I know I have put up a good fight against my cancer and I am very happy with the result.  The sad point is that my bones are now badly damaged, caused by the cancer cell.  Also due to my old age my movement is restricted.  Anyway, every day I wake up is another day 😊.

Fight, fight, fight - struggle, struggle, struggle.  Day in and day out something will crop up to make my life difficult.  I believed my cancer is now under control.  But to reach this stage I have to go through a string of treatment, injections, medication and change of medication.  My cancer will not kill me yet but the side effects will, or at least will cripple me 😄.  

   

I have been taking abiraterone for about 5 months after trying out Xtandi (enzalutamide) for about a year.  Abiraterone seem to be able to suppress my testosterone more effectively thus bringing down my PSA reading.  This is good news, BUT, the side effects are many.  The side effects of abiraterone, steroid plus low testosterone count really caused havoc to my daily life.  

Insomnia: Sleepless night is very common now.  

Diarrhea/constipation: Every few days I'll get diarrhea and then followed by constipation.

Blurry eyes: My eyes will blur after taking abiraterone and this can last half a day or the whole day.

Mood swing: I have mentioned about this earlier.  Yes this is horrible 😞

Body pain: I sometimes feel like 90 years old or older.  I can't stand, sit or walk for long - a few minutes and I'm exhausted.  I need to take my pain killer every day.

There are many other side effects which I have to deal with my own way.  I am writing all these "nonsense" just to ease my pressure, better than talking to family members who are very supportive. I don't want them to worry too much.

Yes!!

 Yes! Another good result.  My latest blood test done on 31st Oct. showed my PSA dropped to 14 ng/ml.  September's result was 20.66 which was a huge drop from 180, test done in August.  The combination of abiraterone and dexamethasone really works for me.  

This drug is very strong in suppressing testosterone.  Thus, side effects are many and expected.  Well it's either my survival or the cancer spreading.

Good result!

 Very good.  My latest PSA result for September dropped to 20.6 ng/ml from a high of 180 in August.  I was worried that it might go up further.  What a relief.

This could be due to many factors, such as, taking the full dosage of abiraterone, changing prednisone (steroid) to dexamethasone and keeping a strict diet with limited consumption of sugar.  Which ever one is the reason for this good result doesn't matter as I find it is worth all the pain and anxiety in the earlier months.  However the stronger pain killer, tarjin, really help me to overcome my bone pain.

Despair

 

 As I've mentioned before my mood swing can be bad at times.  Sometimes when I hit rock bottom everything seem hopeless.  I really hate all the medication I have to take to keep me going.  My mental state has been taxed beyond the limit and the worst part is I cannot open up to anybody as it can cause anxiety and worry to people near me.  I don't know how much more I can take.

Hang in there

 Yes, hang on and hang in there, don't give up.  My PSA, instead of free fall it is on the way up high.  The latest result - 180.  Requested my oncologist to change the steroid which I am taking with abiraterone, prednisone.  The new steroid I am now taking is dexamethasone.  I have been looking for answers on why my PSA is on the way up while I am on abiraterone+prednisone and this is what I've found: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30099821/ (the change of steroid might help to stabilize the PSA)  

I do not know how's the reaction of others taking the full course (4 tablets) of abiraterone but I could not take it as my body ache is very bad.  My spine, ribs and pelvic bones hurt so much you become miserable the whole day.  To manage the pain I took oxynorm (oxycodone 5mg) morning and night but could not help much.  The oncologist then changed to targin (oxycodone 10mg) which seems to help a lot.  

Why me, why me, why me.

My 5th year of cancer

 

 The past few years I felt more energetic, more active and more positive.  Especially last year I really feel good as all my test result and CT scan came back with good news.  But this year is different.  My PSA keep going up and now my fingers are numbed and have no strength - sarcopenia (I think).  My spinal cord and ribs ache so much I could not sleep, swim and do my usual morning exercise.  Feels like I am going downhill.