It will get worse..........

How I wished I did 'not exist' now.  I cannot move much even with the help of the walker.  My pelvic bones are damaged by cancer earlier and after the fall there is no way it can support the top part of my body.  The pain can be unbearable each time the weight is on the right leg.  Lying down and getting out of bed is becoming a difficult task.  

What to do - nothing much can be done except to wait for the slow recovery process.  "It will get worse before it can get better".

This photo gives me some peace of mind.

 OMG! Now I have to use the walker to move around the house.  Other than pain, I am also having muscle atrophy around my buttock area for some time now.  With less muscle my legs' movement seem to be restricted.  As far as I know, if there is no sudden sharp pain, I don't have to worry about broken bones.

The pain is really terrible.  My opioid painkiller is not very effective now.  The past few nights is quite bad like someone whacked my rib cage with a hard object .  In order to get some sleep I had to increase the dosage of the pain killer.  I never expect to be in such a situation.  My blood pressure has shot up from low to high.  Just when I am recovering from my neck problem, this has to happen.

Delayed action

 Had a fall on 26.2.2024.  Quite a bad fall, backwards, in the toilet.  The oncologist had warned me not to fall down during the earlier period of my cancer treatment as my bones could not withstand the impact of the fall and will break in many parts.  Somehow I managed to put my left hand on my back to protect my spine. I could not move for a while and the oncologist's warning caused fear in me as I thought my bones and left hand had broken.

After this ordeal I did not feel any pain in any part of my body.  What a surprise as I expect to feel pain all over my body.  After one week still no pain.  On the 2nd week slight pain on my back and pelvic area. Eventually the pain become more intense.  After my Google, I understand that in a hard fall the brain will take some time to assess the "damage".  Sometime it will be weeks before the nerve will send the pain signal down to the body.

One month after the fall my neck, shoulder blades, both side of my ribs and pelvic area hurt so much that it is terrible to lie down to rest/sleep.  Now walking is a problem because of the pain.  

I wonder what else will happen after this.  

Peace

 Yes it is so 'peaceful' without all the pain to my ear and neck.  I just cannot imagine a one time radiation can caused such a long time misery.  I had done 5 radiation within a week in the beginning of my cancer treatment and I had not experience such pain/misery. 

My bones are damaged by cancer and also due to old age.  Every now and then I will feel pain all over my body.  This is tolerable except in some areas where I am suffering from muscle atrophy.  Not only pain, the area where there is more loss of muscle, I do experience weakness in those areas.  The muscle/fat act as a layer of protection to the bones and without it I need to sit on added cushion on toilet seat, etc. Our muscle also help in the movement of our limbs .  

I just need some adjustment to my movement and the way I do things, meaning, be more careful.  I am happy with my condition now.

5th week after radiation

 Today is the 5th week after I had my radiation on my neck.  A few days ago the pain started to reduce and is not so intense.  Oh, what a relief!  Since a day after the radiation I started to feel pain on my neck and head.  First it was mastoiditis, infection of the ear bone behind/between the ears.  10 days of antibiotic managed to overcome this problem.  However, I suffered another ear infection, which is external and not internal like mastoiditis.  Another week of antibiotic plus ear drops.  

All this while my neck was swollen and stiff.  The pain, intense and sometimes extreme, made my life miserable.  My oncologist and the radiotherapy staff did not warn me of what to expect after the radiation.  I had to take pain killer continuously without a break, even at night so as to be able to sleep.  To suffer pain is one thing but to suffer extreme pain is really miserable and depressing.

I am supposed to suffer from advanced stage cancer.  But now I am suffering from something else, it is really a joke.

Pain

 Pain, day in day out, nothing but pain.  I have to stuff myself with pain killers everyday.  I have to take opioids which is more effective for cancer pain.  Other then taking pain killers there is nothing much I can do.  Last week during the usual doctor's review the oncologist said there is no more option for me.  So now what am I supposed to do, just wait and see?. 

I am having skin atrophy for some time.  This is thinning of the skin which is due to loss of fat and muscle and the tiny blood vessels under the skin can easily burst.  Other then skin atrophy I am now starting to suffer from muscle atrophy, loss of muscle mass.  The muscle from my lower back, pelvic area, and my thigh starts to thin away.  My problems could be due to long term use of steroid and suppression of testosterone to maintain an acceptable PSA level.  Now I cannot sit for a long time as I will feel pain on my lower back (pelvic area) and thigh.  Less muscle to protect the bones.

My neck pain is driving me crazy.  After the radiation on my neck I had ear infection twice and lots of pain from my swelling neck.  It seems it will take 2 to 6 weeks to recover.  Sigh 😞, very sad.

What's happening

 After my ear infection I got uti (urinary tract infection) and had to be on medication for one week 😒.

My neck is giving me lots of pain and discomfort. The nerves around my neck are driving me nuts. Thus I have to agree to have radiation done on my neck.  After getting the appointment date I was told the total cost will come to RM12,000.00!  Just for one session! A few years back I had 5 sessions of radiation and the cost was RM9,000.00 only.  Eventually the hospital reduced to RM10,000.00.  What to do everything is so expensive nowadays, had to accept it.

Sigh!....hospitals are making money out of people's misery.