Our Malay language can be quite colourful. If you do not suffer any injury you would not know what pain is like. So far I have used up a huge sum of our savings to keep me going and I am lucky to manage to keep my cancer under control. I do not complain or whine about the pain I have to endure or the mental torture that's going inside me. I look as normal as possible in front of relatives and friends/neighbors, so much so people thought I have recovered. Everybody said I look good! Yes everybody looks good but you would not know what's "boiling" inside them.
Friday, 29 July 2022
Our Malay language can be quite colourful. If you do not suffer any injury you would not know what pain is like. So far I have used up a huge sum of our savings to keep me going and I am lucky to manage to keep my cancer under control. I do not complain or whine about the pain I have to endure or the mental torture that's going inside me. I look as normal as possible in front of relatives and friends/neighbors, so much so people thought I have recovered. Everybody said I look good! Yes everybody looks good but you would not know what's "boiling" inside them.
Saturday, 16 July 2022
Don't quit
This is my experience. Life with cancer is not a bed of roses but a bag full of pain and misery. Every treatment/medication has side effects. Some slight and manageable but some can be extreme and unimaginable to ordinary people (non-cancer). I always tell myself that nothing can scare me now after my tolerance level has been tested to the full limit.
Fear. This is something all cancer patients have to face. Fear of the unknown. Fear of your cancer spreading and fear of damage to other parts of your body. Every now and then fear will make you worry to death.
But I do not give up. Tomorrow will be a better day (sometimes I am not that sure).
Wednesday, 13 July 2022
Chemotherapy
I had my chemo in 2019. Six months of torture for me. Every three weeks one cycle and double the dosage. After each chemo I needed 10 days to recover from the terrible side effect.
After each chemo it is not possible to have much sleep for 3 nights. Diarrhea and vomiting plus a range of other side effects really drain all my energy. My worst nightmare. After finishing my 5th chemo I was a total wreck and I almost could not make it to my 6th. The oncologist had to cancel further chemo after my 6th as I was more like a zombie then a patient. Life without cancer - a wonderful life!
Sunday, 10 July 2022
OMG
Last week had my usual check up. My PSA is up again. It seem to be going up the last few months. Although I am on enzalutamide (Xtandi) I did not take the prescribed dosage as I could not stand the extreme painful side effect. The oncologist decided to change to abiraterone acetate for one month to see the effect. Also change is my eligard injection which was changed to lucrin (these are androgen deprivation therapy medication).
These medications are very expensive in Malaysia as they are imported from USA. I am devastated by my high medical costs just to stay alive.
Thursday, 23 June 2022
Tuesday, 21 June 2022
My long journey with cancer
Oh how time flies. I am now at the end of my 4th year struggle with cancer. I am still under active treatment, which means I still have to go to the hospital every 3 months for medical check, blood test and injection (ADT - androgen deprivation therapy). This injection is in addition to the medication I'm taking, Xtandi.
There seems to be no end in sight. It is like a life long journey and the longer it drags it's getting more tiring. Anyway the consolation is that the 2 tumors, one at my pelvic bones and the other between my shoulder blades, had almost disappear after my radiotherapy and 6 months of chemo. Now I do not have to take my painkiller (oxycodone) 3 times a day, just once a day.
Tuesday, 23 October 2018
The silent killer (Pt 3)
Now either I do it now or later, I still have to go through with it - chemo. Sigh! I just hate it especially the side effects. It's now or later - better now and forget about it. One chemo session takes about an hour and each session to be done after 2 to 3 weeks.
It is scary to think of the pain I had to endure day and night earlier and also my wife's fear and anguish of the present situation and the future. I needed my wife's help to lower me down onto the bed and to pull/lift me when getting up. I know it hurts her to see me in such a condition. I feel very miserable myself. Why so much pain.
Following radiotherapy, the pain eases a lot and I can now move about the house. However, I still have to take painkiller every morning and night. Towards late afternoon when the effect of painkiller wears off, I can feel my body ache/pain intensify. According to the oncologist, I will feel less pain after a few jabs. I just hope so otherwise I will have to depend on painkiller to get me through the day. What a life.