Another ear infection!

 OMG! What's going on.  A few days ago I got another ear infection.  This is always painful.  I got up in the middle of the night shivering and shaking all over.  I can't even hold a cup of warm water given by my wife.  On top of this I cannot stand up at all.  This is terrible.

I really hated it.  Worrying everyone for no good reason.  This only set me back further from recovery.  Why, why, why.  This is not the way I choose to live my old age, and definitely not right to put so much anxiety and pressure onto my spouse.  I hate it!!!

Two of my neighbours who passed away some time ago used to talk to me about their pain and how they wished they could die soon.  Both were on wheel chair and incapable of looking after themselves.  No old folks would want to live like this.  This is torture😮.

Becoming a handicap

 😒 Well, I am still stuck with stiff neck and pain on the fractured part of my neck after so many months.  Have to wait for the fractured neck bone to heal before I can resume some of my routine exercises/work.  Problem here is due to my weak/damaged  bones it will take a long time for the healing process.  Very sad.  

During my visit to the oncologist after the CT scan, he did not go into details of the radiologist report.  His concern, I believed, is more on my cancer situation.  Thus I look into the report more thoroughly myself to understand some of the conditions of and changes in my body.  More damage to my left side rib bones than those on my right.  The upper and lower spinal cord and pelvic area are quite badly damaged.  The report mentioned destruction of two nerves which control the movement of the neck side ways.  After so many months I still cannot turn my head left or right.  I guessed this is bad news to me.   If the damaged to the nerves cannot be repaired, then I would not be able to turn my head sideways 😒.  Another bad news is I am slowly facing muscle atrophy, loosing my muscle mass. This is also due to nerve damage.  

During my early consultation with the oncologist, he warned that more damage to my bones could  affect my nerves which could restrict some of my movement.  As it is now I am more like a half handicap person.  I cannot turn my head sideways, I cannot walk properly even with a walking stick and thus I am confined in my home everyday.  I have difficulty lying down and getting up and I have to sit on a high chair.  Sigh! Don't know what to expect next.

Oh! more suffering

 OMG the pain is so unbearable!  3 months ago in a near missed car accident whereby I was thrown forward and then backward with my head hitting the car back headrest.  After a few days my neck and head became swollen and the pain hit the maximum point.  Then my head could not move.  My pain killers could not do much, so had to get a doctor to come to give me a steroid jab.  The pain subside in a few days but my head could not move.  

From days to weeks and now months, I am now still not comfortable in a car as there is still pain as the car moves over bumps.  I have been wearing neck brace until now and when in the car I added a neck pillow.  Now I have to keep resting in bed more often so as to ease the pain.

Did a CT scan recently to see what's the problem with my neck and my overall cancer condition.  Mastoiditis.  Infection of the ear bone. Next is fracture of my neck bone.  Today is the last day I am on antibiotic for ear infection.  As for the fracture it is going to take some time to heal.  The oncologist suggested I go for radiation to stop the neck pain.  I'm considering it. 

The oncologist said my cancer is now under control.  However,  more ribs and other bones are damaged as shown in the scan.  I have to be very careful and if I notice any change in my system or other pain I have to contact my oncologist without delay.

I wonder who is it up there that do not like me.

Just thinking

 Yes it's been a long time, a long journey in fact, since I was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 prostate cancer.  I am actually very lucky that my cancer is not the aggressive type and is now inactive.  My latest CT Scan which was done early last year showed my prostate is clear and the two tumors, one on my upper back and the other pressing against my pelvic bone, cannot be detected.  However, I still have to be under active surveillance for the time being.  I still have to continue taking abiraterone+dexamethasone and have my blood test done frequently.

I know I have put up a good fight against my cancer and I am very happy with the result.  The sad point is that my bones are now badly damaged, caused by the cancer cell.  Also due to my old age my movement is restricted.  Anyway, every day I wake up is another day 😊.

Fight, fight, fight - struggle, struggle, struggle.  Day in and day out something will crop up to make my life difficult.  I believed my cancer is now under control.  But to reach this stage I have to go through a string of treatment, injections, medication and change of medication.  My cancer will not kill me yet but the side effects will, or at least will cripple me 😄.  

   

I have been taking abiraterone for about 5 months after trying out Xtandi (enzalutamide) for about a year.  Abiraterone seem to be able to suppress my testosterone more effectively thus bringing down my PSA reading.  This is good news, BUT, the side effects are many.  The side effects of abiraterone, steroid plus low testosterone count really caused havoc to my daily life.  

Insomnia: Sleepless night is very common now.  

Diarrhea/constipation: Every few days I'll get diarrhea and then followed by constipation.

Blurry eyes: My eyes will blur after taking abiraterone and this can last half a day or the whole day.

Mood swing: I have mentioned about this earlier.  Yes this is horrible 😞

Body pain: I sometimes feel like 90 years old or older.  I can't stand, sit or walk for long - a few minutes and I'm exhausted.  I need to take my pain killer every day.

There are many other side effects which I have to deal with my own way.  I am writing all these "nonsense" just to ease my pressure, better than talking to family members who are very supportive. I don't want them to worry too much.

Yes!!

 Yes! Another good result.  My latest blood test done on 31st Oct. showed my PSA dropped to 14 ng/ml.  September's result was 20.66 which was a huge drop from 180, test done in August.  The combination of abiraterone and dexamethasone really works for me.  

This drug is very strong in suppressing testosterone.  Thus, side effects are many and expected.  Well it's either my survival or the cancer spreading.

Good result!

 Very good.  My latest PSA result for September dropped to 20.6 ng/ml from a high of 180 in August.  I was worried that it might go up further.  What a relief.

This could be due to many factors, such as, taking the full dosage of abiraterone, changing prednisone (steroid) to dexamethasone and keeping a strict diet with limited consumption of sugar.  Which ever one is the reason for this good result doesn't matter as I find it is worth all the pain and anxiety in the earlier months.  However the stronger pain killer, tarjin, really help me to overcome my bone pain.