Chemotherapy

 I had my chemo in 2019.  Six months of torture for me.  Every three weeks one cycle and double the dosage.  After each chemo I needed 10 days to recover from the terrible side effect.  

After each chemo it is not possible to have much sleep for 3 nights.  Diarrhea and vomiting plus a range of other side effects really drain all my energy.  My worst nightmare.  After finishing my 5th chemo I was a total wreck and I almost could not make it to my 6th.  The oncologist had to cancel further chemo after my 6th  as I was more like a zombie then a patient.  Life without cancer - a wonderful life!

OMG

 Last week had my usual check up.  My PSA is up again.  It seem to be going up the last few months.  Although I am on enzalutamide (Xtandi) I did not take the prescribed dosage as I could not stand the extreme painful side effect.  The oncologist decided to change to abiraterone acetate for one month to see the effect.  Also change is my eligard injection which was changed to lucrin (these are androgen deprivation therapy medication).

These medications are very expensive in Malaysia as they are imported from USA.  I am devastated by my high medical costs just to stay alive.  

Life is not fair

 

My long journey with cancer

Oh how time flies.  I am now at the end of my 4th year struggle with cancer.  I am still under active treatment, which means I still have to go to the hospital every 3 months for medical check, blood test and injection (ADT - androgen deprivation therapy).  This injection is in addition to the medication  I'm taking, Xtandi.

          There seems to be no end in sight.  It is like a life long journey and the longer it drags it's getting            more  tiring.  Anyway the consolation is that the 2 tumors, one at my pelvic bones and the other             between my shoulder blades, had almost disappear after my radiotherapy and 6 months of chemo.            Now I do not have to take my painkiller (oxycodone) 3 times a day, just once a day.

        I am now like a handicap person due to all the medication, injection and chemo and also due to             my already badly damaged bones.  I'm also not spared the anxiety and panic attack and I really              hate    the mood swing.  Well I am very fortunate to have a very supportive family which makes life         easier.

 

The silent killer (Pt 3)

The first treatment is to reduce the PSA reading, which in my case is too high, more than 1,000.  Other then medication, I was given Eligard injection.  This is to lower the male hormone testosterone.  Come November I will be getting my second injection.  Suppose to have  a jab every 3 months.  

Next was radiotherapy.  I had 5 sessions of radiation for consecutive five days with each lasting about 15 minutes.  This helps to reduce the pain around my back and front ribs.  Now that my bones are weak I have the option to strengthen them with injection.   Might as well do it.

Now either I do it now or later, I still have to go through with it - chemo.  Sigh! I just hate it especially the side effects.  It's now or later - better now and forget about it.  One chemo session takes about an hour and each session to be done after 2 to 3 weeks.

It is scary to think of the pain I had to endure day and night earlier and also my wife's fear and anguish of the present situation and the future.  I needed my wife's help to lower me down onto the bed and to pull/lift me when getting up.  I know it hurts her to see me in such a condition.  I feel very miserable myself.  Why so much pain.

Following radiotherapy, the pain eases a lot and I can now move about the house.  However, I still have to take painkiller every morning and night.  Towards late afternoon when the effect of painkiller wears off, I can feel my body ache/pain intensify.  According to the oncologist,  I will feel less pain after a few jabs.  I just hope so otherwise I will have to depend on painkiller to get me through the day.  What a life.

The silent killer (Pt. 2)

                                         Learning to live with cancer.

Penang Adventist Hospital in Penang Island have set up an oncology center specially to cater to the many cancer patients from Indonesia and Malaysia.   Our first encounter with the oncologist was such a great relieved.  He sets our minds at ease with his clear explanation of prostate cancer and what is to be done in stages.  He is so confident in treating my case, and as such gave us confidence in following through the stages of treatment.

Accepting treatment is easy but it is difficult to accept such cruel fate and the fact that you are "hit" with a stage 4 cancer.  I started to blame the doctors in the Government hospital for taking my case lightly.  They should have detected something earlier with all the Ultrasound scan and X-ray and other tests.  My mind cannot be at peace and my heart is so "heavy" not knowing how to live with this "killer".

This sudden change in our lives is putting great pressure on my wife.  She is mentally taxed to the limit.  Oh I just do not know what to do.  I know I have to get over this difficult period otherwise my wife will not be able to take the load off her mind.

I decided to forget about my earlier treatment at the Govt. hospital.  I try not to think too much about my illness and try to adjust my lifestyle. I have to accept the fact that I have cancer and carry on with my life.  No point thinking and worrying about it.  It is not an easy task but I try day by day.  In my mind cancer is a silent killer.

Now I can get through each day without worry.  Eat when it is time and rest when tired.  I am also trying to exercise when I up to it and taking short walk near my place.

end of Part 2

The silent killer

                                                       WHAM! you've got cancer!

Since April this year my stomach started to bloat.  I went to the government hospital for a check-up and was told that it was acid reflux.  The medications prescribed by the hospital do not seem to work and as time dragged on,  my back started to hurt.  I have to endure four months of pain which made lying down and getting up almost impossible without help from my wife.  Since the government hospital's treatment is of no help and I had lost 7kg,  I decided to go to a private specialist hospital to seek treatment.

After a few tests and a CT scan, the bad news awaited me.  The doctor did not mince his words and told me I have CANCER.  It is prostate cancer and it had spread to my lower back and ribs.  It is at stage 4, advance stage.

OMG! My mind just went blank and I do not know what else the doctor was saying.  My wife was in shock too when the doctor, who is not an oncologist, said I have to be admitted to a hospital immediately.  Unfortunately this specialist hospital do not have an oncologist.  There is no hospital with cancer facilities near where I stay.  We decided to return home first and try to grasp the situation we are in.

My life just gone down the drain.  It just do not make sense.  How can this be when I maintain such healthy lifestyle.  I do not have any sign of prostate problem.  A week earlier I went for my annual blood test and the cancer marker showed negative.

                                          Why me? Why me?

It is so scary.  It's like we're in uncharted territory not knowing what to do.  I cannot believe me having cancer?  Why me?  Why at this old age?  I'm 70 and why rob me off the balance of my life?  This is not fair.  It is so difficult to accept this fact that I have cancer and a stage 4 cancer.  Emotionally I cannot control myself and I cried and cried.  Yes my wife is totally at a lost.  She's devastated.  Life is so cruel.

end of Part 1